Good Girl by Cherlnell Lane.
Me, too.
A Woman's Prerogative
A Woman's Prerogative by Cherlnell Lane
Corked Review
A video review of corked. You can get more information at www.corked.com
COMC: Suicide Interview
Originally Published October 15, 2017
For my Cleaning Out My Closet Series (COMC) I wanted to make sure that I could help others going through the things that I am going through. So I will include an interview by a professional in the topic of discussion after each COMC entry.
Cleaning Out My Closet: Suicide Interview
Q: Hi and thanks for helping me out today. Tell me who you are and why you know so much about this topic?
A: A Mental Health Professional (prefer not to give a name)
Q: Is it just people who suffer from mental disorders that are affected by committing suicide or suicidal thoughts?
A: No suicide is not a mental illness. I think it can be anyone that feels hopeless and discouraged and can't at the time find a remedy to ease the pain.
Q: What type of things can make a person suicidal?
A: Hurt, Disappointment, Hopelessness, Sickness, Pain, Not able to cope with the pressure of life.
Q: What can a person who is suicidal do to help themselves get through those crucial moments?
A: Seek professional help or help from a friend or relative.
Q: What are some signs that will show that a loved one may be suicidal?
A: Isolation, depression, Self-harm behavior, Withdrawal, hopelessness, and Excessive sadness
Q: How do you go about finding a mental health professional?
A: You can call 911 and DHS or you can go to the nearest emergency room.
Q: Are there any hotlines or websites you can recommend?
A: HOTLINES:
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Both toll-free, 24-hour, confidential hotlines which connect you to a trained counselor at the nearest suicide crisis center.
Safe Place: 1-888-290-7233
Project Safe Place provides access to immediate help and supportive resources for young people in crisis through a network of qualified agencies, trained volunteers, and businesses in 32 states. Call the hotline to find out if the program operates in your state, or look online.
National Alliance of the Mentally Ill: 1-800-950-6264
Toll-free, confidential hotline operating Mon.-Fri., 10 am- 6 pm (EST). Trained volunteers provide information, referrals, and support to anyone with questions about mental illness.
Q: Are there support groups that suicidal people or their loved ones can attend?
A: Batavia
Name of Group: Survivors of Suicide
Suicide Prevention Services
528 S. Batavia Ave.
Batavia, IL 60510
Contact Person: Stephanie Weber
(630) 482-9696
Meetings per Month: One
Fee: No
Carbondale
Name: Suicide Grief Support Group
Unitarian Fellowship building
105 N. Parrish Lane
Carbondale, IL 62901
Contact Person: Judy Ashby, MS, LCPC
(618) 549-5578
OR
Bill Sasso
(618) 529-2439
Meetings per Month: One - Second Tuesday at 7:30-9:00 p.m.
Fee: No
Centralia
Name: Survivors of Suicide
Centralia Ray of Hope
Irvin Funeral Home
PO Box 1155
Centralia, IL 62801
Contact Person: Greg Williams
(618) 532-5512
Meetings per Month: One
Fee: No
Chicago
Name of Group: Survivors of Suicide
Catholic Charities / LOSS Program
651 W. Lake St.
Chicago, IL 60661
Contact Person: Bruce Engle
(312) 655-7283
Loss Line 8:30 a.m - 4:30 p.m. (M-F)
Meetings per Month: One
Meetings held in different locations throughout Cook, Lake, Will, and DuPage counties. Children/teen monthly groups also available.
Website: www.catholiccharities.net/loss
Fee: No
Chicago
Name of Group: LGBTQ Survivors of Suicide
LGBTQ Survivors of Suicide - Center on Halsted
3656 N. Halsted
Chicago, IL 60661
Contact Person: Edmond Yomtoob
(773) 450-4434
edmond.yomtoob@psychologistchicago.com
Meetings per Month: One - Third Wednesday, 7:15-8:45 p.m.
Fee: No
Dixon
Name of Group: Touched by Suicide
Hospice of the Rock River Valley
R.R. #2
Dixon, IL
Survivors Gather
Contact Person: Diana Knapp
(815) 625-6277
Fee: No
Edgemont
Name of Group: Survivors of Suicide
Call for Help, Suicide & Crisis Intervention
9400 Lebanon Road
Edgemont, IL 62203
Contact Person: Pearl Campbell
(618) 397-0963
Meetings per Month: Two - First and Third Monday 6-8 p.m.
Fee: No
Freeport
Park Hills Evangelical Free Church
2525 West Stephenson Street
Freeport, IL 61032
Name of Group: Survivors Road 2 healing
Contact Person: Lynne Hofmaster
(815) 297-0037 or (815) 238-0141 (cell)
Meetings per Month: Two - Second and Fourth Tuesdays, 7 p.m.
Fee: No
House Survivors of Suicide Support Program
Serving families with children surviving the suicide of a loved one.
3330 Dundee Rd., Suite S1-S4
Northbrook, IL 60062
Contact Person: Suzanne Clarey
847-205-5666
suzanneclarey@willowhouse.org
Meetings per Month: Please call for information
(Website: www.willowhouse.org
Also provides 8-week support groups for adolescents and teens, monthly family support, and referral services.
Fee: No
Oak Brook
Name of Group: Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends, Inc. (National Office)
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Contact Person: Families can speak with anyone at the office
(877) 969-0010
Website: www.compassionatefriends.org
Meetings per Month: One (varies)
Please call toll free number for information on groups held throughout the country.
Fee: No
Rockford
Name of Group: Ray of Hope
Gloria Dei Lutheran Church
4100 Augustana Drive
Rockford, IL 61107
Contact Person: Karon Pfile, RN
(815) 636-4750
npfile@rockford.com
Meetings per Month: Two - Second and Fourth Thursdays from 7-9 p.m.
Fee: No
Remember Loves take everything One Breath, One Step, and One Day at a time.
Writing to evolve minds one word at a time.
Cherlnell Lane
For Little Girls Who Considered Suicide When The Silence Wasn't Enough
I had the pleasure of performing an original poem at She Speaks Volumes for the YWCA of Metropolitan Chicago on April 26, 2018. It was for #saam, sexual assault awareness month. It was an awesome experience. I touched, healed, and made so many people aware of what happens when young girls are violated. That's why I do my work, I want my work to change people way of thinking for generations.
But for now, I would you like to share it with you. With no further ado, I present, "For Little Girls Who Considered Suicide When The Silence Was Not Enough" written and performed by Cherlnell Lane.
That's my piece, peace, and tell me what you think.
All my love,
Cherlnell Lane
Flashback: Cleaning Out My Closet: Suicide
Flashback: This is an old blog post. The first blog of my "Cleaning Out My Closet" Series. The next written blog will be the second installment in the series. So since this one was posted on my old blog (A Black Woman Living In Pain.) I thought that I would give you all that hadn't read it a chance to do so. Plus it's a really good piece. Remember, I bare my soul to heal yours.
-Cherlnell Lane
9/21/14
I have felt recently that I haven’t been fulfilling my goals with this blog. I wanted to reach more people to help more people.
I decided to examine myself and see where I could improve. I saw that even though I was trying to talk about things that brought pain to my life as well as others. I wasn’t being completely open. That was because I didn’t want to deal with certain areas of my life. If I wasn’t dealing with them how could I ask someone else to? So I am cleaning out my closet of some pretty heavy topics. After every topic, there will be a video or written interview with a professional on the topic so that if anyone is experiencing an issue in that area then they can get the information they need to improve their life. I am doing this not only to help myself but to support other people who might deal with these issues as well.
With no further ado ... Cleaning Out My Closet: Suicide (September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month)
Okay, I am going to tell you right now we are going to talk about some heavy stuff today. If you are not ready to be open to some things stop reading. For the rest of you. Once you start reading I don’t suggest that you stop. We are telling on some people today and hopefully saving some people's lives as well... Ready! Set! Go!
When was the last time you wanted to kill yourself? No, truthfully. That wasn’t said for shock value. I wasn’t trying to get your attention. I really want to know. When was the last time that you thought about the different ways you could just sleep forever (I mean for a while) and which way would you be able to complete the task without chickening- out halfway through? How many times have you pictured how happy and unburdened your loved ones would feel after they got over their grief. How many times have your religious beliefs made you think that you could go to hell but your mental state made you feel that maybe you were just being selfish for thinking about yourself when you know that your death would help your loved ones. I know that a lot of people like to think that people who commit suicide are selfish. That they aren’t thinking about anyone but themselves because they can’t handle the pressures of life when that could be the furthest thing from the truth.
There is this myth about people that suffer from mental illness especially in the Black community. We (the black community) would convince someone who is sick with a mental disorder not to get help because we don’t see it as a real illness. It’s either that or the person suffering is too afraid to seek help because of the stigma associated with mental health. They suffer in silence because the Black community tends to think that people with mental illness need to just: act right, think positive, or pray more because God will fix it.
The way that we act is based on what we think. What we think is based on how we were raised, our temperament, and our mental health. How we were raised includes a lot of things: what type of family we were in, what number child you are, what environment you live in, etc. For example, The oldest child in a two-parent household in a middle to upper-class neighborhood could very-well act differently from the middle child in a one parent household in the lower class neighborhood. All of that doesn’t matter though when it comes to mental disorders. They don’t care where you live, how old you are, or who you love. Everyone could be affected; white, black, rich, poor, young, or old. It has nothing to do with how you act. Mental Disorders don’t care how many things you have going for you, it makes you think that you are cold, unloved, dumb, hopeless and alone.
Think positive? Ha! Take it from someone who is always trying to keep positive for everyone including myself. It is not that easy. I post positive images all over my Facebook and Instagram every day. I try to give positive encouraging words to my friends and family all the time even if at the time my insides are rotting and the stench of my depression is making me throw-up any positive feelings I had for myself. Thinking positive when you have a mental disorder is sometimes like trying to save yourself from drowning in the middle of the ocean with boulders tied to your ankles. So please don’t think that a person committed suicide because they refused to think positive.
I am not saying that God can’t fix it but just because you wish or pray it so doesn’t make it so. Prime example how long was slavery? Don't you think that those people prayed? When they were getting taken from their homeland? When they were packed in a boat like supplies going across the ocean? When they got to this strange land and white people beat them, raped them, and stripped them of their clothes, customs, language, family, and dignity for 245 years? Don't you think they prayed? God’s will is going to be done, right? Well, that was god’s will. I am not saying that God can not change anything because he can. God can make it snow in the summer and make it 90 degrees in January. What I am saying is, sometimes bad things happen to good people no matter how much you pray. The same thing goes for Mental illness there is a big chance that prayer alone isn’t going to work. If you get shot in the chest, chances are that you aren’t going to just lay down on the ground and do nothing but pray for the bullet to come out. You are going to go to the hospital and let a doctor who God has blessed with the skills to save you, do what they are trained to do. The same thing goes for someone with a mental disorder or disease. God has blessed wonderful doctors and therapists with the skills to help them. So when someone is depressed of course pray for them but also lead them to a Mental Health Professional.
Back to the reason I wrote this blog entry. I wanted to kill myself recently. I was as close to it than I have been in over 15 years. 15 years ago I would do things to try to kill myself. Now here I was again thinking about the ways I could do it. I was considering how long the grief would last before my loved ones could move on. Cherlnell Lane the person who is terrified of death was thinking about killing herself because she doesn’t want to cause anyone pain. That is what mental disease does to you it makes you think that you are a problem that can’t be solved. It sometimes makes you think that you are the cancer that is infecting the people around you. It makes me feel this way. I, Cherlnell Lane, who is the poster child for a cheerful demeanor, the same Cherlnell Lane that is always telling her friends that the sun will come out tomorrow, the Cherlnell Lane who believes in God is sometimes so wrapped up in depression that she thinks that even God doesn’t love her. You know something though... It’s not my fault. It is just as if someone that has a heart problem from birth. Would you condemn them for having a weak heart? Most likely not, so don’t do the same thing to people who suffer from depression and other mental illness.
If you don’t share my beliefs or opinions that’s fine everyone in the world doesn’t agree but next time you see or hear about someone with a mental illness or someone who wants to kill themselves do me a favor remember: if you can’t do anything helpful, get them to a professional who will. Because not only could you save a life but you could better the lives of those affected by the life that you save. Be your brother/ sister’s keeper let them know that their lives matter. Say their name, Edwin. Say their name, Phyllis Hyman. Say their name, Lee Thompson Young. Say their name, Don Cornelius. Don’t shame people for wanting help to save their life.
Cleaning out my closet,
A Black Woman Living In Pain
Remember This is a Flashback! I do not feel this way now but there are people who do. Help them help themselves direct them to a professional.
Writing To Evolve Minds One Word at a Time
Cherlnell Lane
Lost
This is Like Church to Me
Stone
I have become so accustomed to keeping my emotions in, that I have trapped myself in a tower deep inside me. In this tower, I sit on top of my feelings and emotions, my thoughts and memories, trapped in by my fears. Every Time I have denied myself the opportunity to express my emotions they filter into this tower and push me toward the top. At the top of the tower lies Crazy. No, there are no inventive names for it. It’s pure unadulterated craziness. Not the, she’s a little depressed or moody craziness, the she lost it, run for the hills crazy! It’s like the mouth of the beast a breathing, quivering, slobbering, hungry hole at the top of this tower that I am quickly ascending to. I can feel it shaking which causes me to tremble in fear. The fear, that soon this bubble will pop and I will have no control or filter for the feelings, emotions, or actions that will come spilling out. I know that impending doom is near. I want to cry, to laugh and to scream. To fix this problem I’ve caused. It’s been so long however since I have shown any feelings, that I can’t shed a tear. I am stuck. Trapped in this dark dank place with all my emotions and I can’t get out.
I want to cry so bad when the shadow of misery corners me, but I can’t. Even when the mountains of pressure, responsibilities, sorrow, and insecurities that surround me, fall on my shoulders, I can’t waiver and I can’t faint because I’m black and black women are supposed to be strong. We are the backbone of the family, the nurturers, teachers, supporters and in a pinch (which is most of the time) we are the disciplinarians, providers, and leaders of the family and therefore can’t afford to be weak! God forbid we be human beings! We have to be superwomen at all times and use our black girl magic to keep it all together.
We are told constantly that we can handle things that other people will break down from and have even been accused of being the problem when trying to deliver solutions. Black women are not getting the help and support we need because we are supposed to be strong because we are supposed to see the lesson in everything and move on. This is why a child can be thrown to the ground by a grown man while sitting at a desk and the first thing said is, “Well what did she do?” or when black girls go missing they ran away but white girls are kidnapped.
My whole life I was told to toughen up. I was jumped on by a group of 8th-grade boys in 1st grade and when I told, I was asked if I wanted to be suspended. When I was nine I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom and was blamed for them breaking up. At eleven I was raped, but nothing happened because I had to look out for his kids. I was bullied from pre-k through College for being smart, most of the time nothing happen to the bullies. My freshman year of high school I made these girls (that I didn’t even know) so upset that they had a gang waiting outside for me. My junior year I lost my virginity and got pregnant because he took off the condom and didn’t tell me. Then he told me the baby wasn’t his and didn’t contribute anything to raising him. My pastor proceeded to kick me out of all my roles in the church and an oratory contest that was going to pay for my college education because I had sex before marriage. But replaced me with a young man with a two-year-old. I’ve been in several abusive relationships including my first marriage. I smiled through all of these things and hardly cried, however, I am still called overly emotional.
Now I am going through my second divorce in 7 years. This was supposed to be it for me, the one, my forever. Instead, I am wondering how I stayed as long as I did and how I got talked out of seeing the writing on the wall for 2 years. I am hurt and angry! My heart feels like it received 1,000 paper cuts and was then soaked in alcohol. This pain is sitting in my chest making it difficult to breathe. It’s bubbling through my veins, coursing through my body, making all of my body parts stand at attention. My eyes, however, aren’t working properly. No matter how much I try to push this pain through them they are dry as a bone. I WANT TO BE WEAK! Even if for a second. I just want to lay in someone’s arms and cry! I want to speak my truth without thinking about making him look bad. I just want to release. But I probably won’t. Because I’ve been strong so long that now I’m stone. That is until I reach the top of this tower.
Remember Black Women are still women and every woman needs to be loved and protected like a little girl sometimes.
Bearing my soul to heal yours
Cherlnell Lane
